Anne: ‘Sometimes I deliberately drop a bomb under our relationship’

“We found each other on Tinder. In the middle of all the car selfies and beer in the air, it was a really cute guy, I could feel right away. He was playing guitar, Settlers of Catan with friends, that kind. Not performance. After a couple of weeks of chat and sms he asked if I would go for a walk.The only option was to meet outside at home because we were still filled up in the lockdown.

He had brought water, a small bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. We were at the end of the first lockdown and it was hot. Lukewarm wine, melted chocolate: it did not matter. I was sold and was glad he kissed me when we parted. A week later, he invited me home to me and made his best curry for me. It was on. “

“I squeezed my fists. Finally I was in a relationship again. More than six years ago mine high school girlfriend and in the time after I took life as it came. I dated a lot, sometimes with two men in one day, mingling from fling to fling. Every now and then I really liked someone, so we saw each other for a few months.

The longest I stayed with was a man who already had a wife. textbook separation anxiety yes, because because I knew I could not count on anything, I could not get hurt either. Of course did not go up, the dragon. Because I still fell in love more and only felt more lonely when he baked French toast on Sunday morning for his family and not for me. “

More fun every day

But Tim does. Tim is about it from day one and I think he gets more fun every day. Still. That I go with his friends, to family, that we spend an entire weekend together instead of a casual date. A relationship is much more exciting than a new contact, and much more intimate.

“And yet it hits me sometimes. I think it gets boring because Tim is the quiet kind. Something that I also find so attractive about him because I’m busy enough myself. But also because Tim has been married before and already have two sons.Now I do not necessarily want my own children, but there are some weekends where we do not see each other because his boys are there.What I only approve, do not misunderstand me.do not sit with my nose in everything and I think it is important for all three of them that they quality time Spend time.

We have a slow beach. If all goes well with Tim, I will not be able to stay with him until the boys study. On paper, he’s a good guy and we’re having a great time, but I have to keep my head up. In previous twists and turns, I was used to being accompanied by attraction and repulsion, with quarrels and penance. I had to fight for attention and I would jump if such a man threw me another curve. In that respect, a healthy relationship sometimes feels quite boring. Tim is always there. “

“So sometimes, at times when I’m alone, or when I do not feel seen by him, I secretly throw the bomb under it. Then such a turmoil bubbles up again that I deliberately look for the edges. Then I throw a line up for an ex, just to ask how it’s going. Or I’ll create an account on a new dating app, under a different name. Just swipe and seek attention. After three matches, I’m done with it, and immediately after I’m sorry.

Nothing or no one even gets close to Tim and who he is to me. ‘You deliberately sabotage,’ my coach said recently. And I think she’s right. I can be so happy for Tim that I can hardly believe it. “Then put your energy into it,” she said. “That you dare to receive love, it’s an adventure.” So I’m trying that now. Receive and trust that it is there. Even if he does not have time for me. “

The name Anne has been changed at the request of the interviewee. Her real name is known by the editorial staff.

Wanted: Love Lessons

For the Love Lesson section of RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, fun, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hands in your bosom. Did you eventually turn out to be the one with a fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love, or did a mixed family prove to be an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you about it all. You can tell anonymously. Mail to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.

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