Eva: ‘The relationship with my boyfriend is controversial, but also exciting and magical’

“We have been together for over thirty years, my husband and I. We have raised three children, a house across the border and a good life together. A few years ago, I decided to start the conversation and open our relationship to it. My husband and I love an adventurous life, making loving connections and opening our hearts.

You have to have a really good relationship to open up, there is no room for conversation between jealousy and tears. It required a lot of talk, a lot of searching, a lot to take, but we managed it. My husband has a boyfriend and I have Freek. In addition, we are especially very happy for each other. He gives me this love. “

Fairy tale

“I got to know Freek through a dating site. I was immediately aware of my appointments at home, for him it was an adventure. He had blurred his own situation a bit, but it quickly turned out that his wife knew nothing. Well, a little lol, I thought, but that’s not how it went.

After the first date, we wrote regularly, we called again, and we met again. Something exciting happened. A curiosity none of us had experienced before: “Hey, who are you?” We are now happy for each other and we feel very equal. That bond has turned into warm love. “

“We call each other about twice a week, secretly yes, and every time my heart skips a beat. Our togetherness is magical. A fusion of body and mind, something unconditional. We are not seen often and quite irregularly, but the moments we have together are wonderful in every way.

Only Freek does not talk about it with anyone. And therein lies my struggle. I also want a place in his life. Would like to be seen in what I mean to him. Of course, I will keep it going myself by continuing this affair and by agreeing to the sneaky call. “


“But I also know: If something happens to him, I do not hear it. It’s a bitter thought. He also gets happier and happier through our contact, and that brings him back into his relationship. It makes me happy, it saw something that comes out beautifully from it.

I discuss it regularly with my partner, also about the difficult things like lack and desire, and he also shares this about his girlfriend the other way around. Discussing that part with Freek is a little harder. He feels guilty towards his wife because in a monogamous society he is the cheater. It feels like a burden. “

“I think everyone fantasizes about another love, but for many it is not allowed. To feel a loving connection with someone other than his partner is not allowed in many relationships. I think that is difficult. Freek has met my husband and my children, he is a part of my life and with that I am very true to myself.

Others may have an opinion on that, but I do not care. That does not apply to him. We can not meet too close to where he lives, I am not allowed to show up for work and we can only call if he has the opportunity. He wants to give me more, he says sometimes, but it can not be done. He feels guilty about that too. “

hidden affair

We talk a lot about it, and he reaches out to me by having more time for e.g. video call. While, if he is with me in the evening and he needs to call his wife, it’s a changing moment. We are always with a folder, never really home. It remains a quest.

The realization of the ambiguous role I have as an unknown third party in this secret affair sometimes strikes me as difficult. Yet I now choose to accept this position. As ambivalent as it is sometimes, I would not miss my special loving moments of connection with Freek for anything. “

“We are happy for our togetherness, and it has contributed to a special happiness for 2.5 years. One never knows in love what the future will bring, and I hope that this can continue to exist, even if the chance that his wife finds out like it.Damocles sword over our heads.

But you know, I have faith. It’s good as it is. If you go into despair and keep touching in uncertainty, then it’s hard. One can never look ten years ahead and there is no security in any relationship. You must live in the now. I am adventurous and love an intense life and taking the beautiful things that come my way. And that’s Frank. “


“The love I feel now is just good, otherwise you keep yearning and hoping, and that’s exactly what makes you restless. Love is not limited by marriages and borders. You can keep it out consciously, but “It’s only getting harder. I’m already looking forward to our next reunion. No matter how exciting and controversial this is.”

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