“I grew up with the idea that sex did not exist. My mother is Indian and Catholic, my father is Reformed and comes from Achterhoek, and we, the children, were born of the wind. No one talked about sex. It was” I learned nor to save sex for marriage, it was just not an issue.
So when I got my first boyfriend, I immediately got serious about it. In my eyes, we really belonged together from that moment on, while for him it was more of a big adventure. After half a year, he broke up the relationship and I was completely upset. I even visited his family regularly because I thought it was such a strange idea that everything was suddenly out of sight, out of mind. “
“I started dating again when I was seventeen, and since then I was serially monogamous. With every relationship, I thought, ‘Okay, this is it. Now it should be fine.’ But in fact, it did not suit me at all. For always when I was long in a relationship I needed to explore.then I broke up with it again because I could not anymore or because I had met someone else.I thought I should do it this way. stop chasing something new but in my heart I did not feel it, in my body I felt everything but I had no idea what it was trying to tell me.
Great pressure on the ego
And then I tried to control my body by turning my head extra hard, also in my work. I got a good job and did everything I thought I should. I wanted to be seen by the outside world as a good person, with two kids, a nice guy and a good job. It eventually gave me a big burnout. I was not really alone until I was 44.
So after seven years, my boyfriend pulled the plug on our relationship and it was a big blow to my ego. Just when I was thinking ‘it’s okay now’ he went. Shortly after, I was fired and then I lay a little at the bottom of the abyss, yes. I could not help but reset. “
“When I had recovered, I decided to study and to celebrate my graduation I traveled to Berlin on my own. It happened to be Gay Pride in the city, and then suddenly it became a weekend of wild parties and free sex. I closed for a group of friends and someone said to me: ‘If you fuck someone, it does not mean you have to live with him for seven years’. It was such an eye opener.
It may sound crazy, but only then did I realize that I do not have to make it a serious story right away if I like a man. I had a wonderful time there and then also used the free principle in Holland. One of my friends has also just gotten divorced, and we went on adventures together. “
“A breath of fresh air. I met younger lovers, joked with them for a few years here and there and enjoyed the sexual connection I learned to feel, without having any further expectations. I did not go hunting either, I am not Puma, those men have just come my way. They find such a free and experienced woman interesting. It was also a benefit for a young lover: he or she will not settle down at all, so we both stay comfortable here and now. “
‘We often choose too safely’
“By the way, I do not rule out a relationship, I certainly think it would be nice to be with someone again. But it no longer has to be automatic, and it is a relief. The expectation is no longer there, the desire is still there, but that I think it lies in human nature, I would like to experience a deep connection with someone.My ego was sensitive before and now it is healthy.
We often choose too safely, for fear of being hurt, but in doing so we also leave so much beauty behind. We may well break out of the box. For me it can only be 1 + 1 = 3. I now see the beauty in a relationship and until it comes my way, single status is amazing place to be†
Wanted: Love Lessons
For the Love Lesson section of RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, fun, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with the hand in one’s own bosom. Did you end up being the one for fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love, or did a mixed family prove to be an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you about it all. You can tell anonymously. Mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org.