Is money a bummer in a relationship? ‘Give a personal pot’ | NOW

Disagreements over money happen in the best conditions. But how do you prevent those annoyances and quarrels? Nibud spokeswoman Gabriëlla Bettonville and relationship and divorce expert Roos Boer give advice.

“One buys a motorcycle and goes on vacation with friends, while the other does not dare buy a pair of shoes,” says relationship and divorce expert Roos Boer. “Money is always an important object, not only in the relationship, but also afterwards.” In her work, she has mentored hundreds of people going through a relationship crisis or divorce. “Many of the conflicts are about money matters.”

That money matters create conflict is also evident from figures from Nibud. In their 2019 survey on this topic, 27 percent of all couples were worried about money. There is controversy about distribution, priorities, savings, consumption patterns and who has the most power over consumption.

“Plan a financial date night and write down all your income and expenses.”

Gabriella Bettonville, spokeswoman for Nibud

To avoid quarrels over money matters, Nibud advises to make good agreements with each other. “You’re starting a relationship with a fresh financial start,” said spokeswoman Gabriella Bettonville. “For example, when moving together.”

“Joint administration and clear agreements are part of this,” she explains. “Plan a financial date nat and list all income and expenses. Discuss what everyone’s financial values, goals, and desires are. “She also advises couples to review all current cash flows together.” It is possible that certain insurance policies can be adjusted and double subscriptions can be terminated. “

Do not put money in one big pile

Another point is the distribution of costs. “It’s rare that you earn exactly as much as your partner. We recommend that you look for a distribution that you both feel comfortable with. For example, by paying both an equal percentage of your income.”

Bettonville advises against merging the money. “There are several discussions about this. It can feel very nice at first, but if someone throws money over the bar, it can lead to irritations. It is especially difficult in case of a break or divorce.”

“We discuss new purchases with each other. It’s nice to put things in perspective together and see if you really need something.”

Julia Kappert, will soon be living together

Julia Kappert (24) also uses a clear financial division in her relationship. She has been with her boyfriend for almost three years. They will be living together soon. “Every month I pay a fixed amount for the groceries.” Now they both have a separate checking account for their fixed expenses and they also save up for their own business. “We want to let it be like that when we move in together,” she says.

According to her, these agreements provide an overview. “It feels nice and causes less irritation.” These separate savings accounts allow Julia and her boyfriend to decide for themselves what to spend their money on. “But we’ve discussing new purchases with each other. It’s nice to put things in perspective and see if you really need anything.”

A personal game for both

Like Bettonville, Farmer also thinks it’s better not to collect all the money. “Spread your money from scratch over different accounts for fixed costs and savings. Don’t forget a personal jar that you can do whatever you want with. That means you do not suffer from an expensive hobby with your partner, or vice versa.”

According to the relationship and divorce expert, it is important that the amounts for free consumption are roughly the same. “Income differences within a relationship can cause problems. Like a partner who spends too much or spends money on things that are ‘unnecessary’. Those tensions can be overcome by leaving the same amount of time for leisure and hobbies.”

Boer also believes that having a common savings goal can work well. “For example, for a new sofa or a nice trip together. Such a goal strengthens your bond as a couple.”

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