Deen: ‘I have never felt so loved’

“I knew at a young age that I was not a girl. About eight years old, I was already frustrated that I was not allowed to wear my brothers’ clothes. I also knew at the time that I liked girls, boys and everything. possible other. Due to the language used in “I did not feel room to say anything about our family. I come from southern Rotterdam, and at home people often abused homophobic swear words. So I thought, ‘That’s wrong. “

“Until I fell in love with a girl when I was 13 and she fell in love with me. Then I had to say something so I texted my mom on my Nokia 3310. I have to tell you something I wrote. It worked out well, for my parents were not surprised, and both proved themselves to be curious. That love did not last long, but when I was fifteen, I started dating a girl again, and it lasted three years. “

Toxic condition

Then my heart got a few beats, with infidelity, a toxic relationship of abuse and isolation. My biological parents often quarreled, luckily they have not been together for a long time. They have taught me where my boundaries go. If you stick your claws out of me, it’s done right away. Then began a search for love and life. And to myself. I dated boys and girls, went to music school and decided to enjoy my freedom.

“I eventually came out as a trans to a good friend, but it still didn’t feel like there was room to share it with others. So I covered it up again. Back then, I also had a boyfriend who I shared my search with and “For example, I had bought a ring binder to have a flat coffin, and she gave me space to explore it.”

Experimenting as a man

“She moved to Suriname and I took her with her. It seemed nice for me to experiment with a life as a man far away in peace. Within a year that relationship broke down and I had to rebuild everything in Holland. Corona came and my depression I also realized that I was almost 25 and had not really lived a day like myself.I did not want more.The world had to stop for a moment to wake me up.Corona is terrible but turned out to be a big problem for my personal development. Blessing in disguise

“And I went the same round again, where I again wrote a text message to my mother that I should tell something. Now she said she fortunately knew it already, and we could also talk about the comments, so I did not say that. it before. dared to tell. We are a harsh and rude family, but there is a lot of love happy. Humor is our language of love. “

“I also found the same language with Lotte. It was my best friend who said I should follow Lotte on Instagram because we were the same types. I was immediately sold. What a woman. I sent her a reply to a picture in a private message She answered nicely, and then I asked, “Do you like wine?” A little later we were facetime, and we kept it up for 24 hours in a row. “

No more holding on

“We agreed on Sunday, but we could not reach it anymore. It happened immediately the next day. There was no stopping it. I have never felt so loved. I wanted a memorable place, and then it became the gnome but plug in Rotterdam. We were both half an hour premature, and she said afterwards, ‘I see your back, and I feel at once that it is the back I will always see.’

“The great thing is that we are both completel out and about and then we said nothing at all. It was only when we both admitted how nervous we were that it was over. We said all the things you never say on a first date, like her one-night stand and me about my toxic relationship. “

“We threw everything on the table. We went straight to the innermost layer and meanwhile we flirted. Finally I asked if I could kiss her and then I screamed in the toilet and she to her friends. Finally I went with her” I took his home and immediately met his mother and sister at breakfast. Less than a year later, we lived together, and last New Year’s Eve, I proposed to her. “

“Under our relationship, my transition has taken off, and Lotte supports me like no other. She knows me as a Dane, but also knows my birth name. She followed when I changed my name, when I got my mastectomy and my first testosterone. I was so grateful to be able to do this with her. “

“My transition belongs to us together. Lotte is really my beacon. I feel more and more comfortable in my skin, and she benefits from that too. From the moment I came out, I have not been depressed for a day. I “I’m aware of the happiness I have with such a family and such a partner. Lotte and I do not need each other, we are together ten pluses.”

Wanted: Love Lessons

For the Love Lesson section of RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, fun, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hands in your bosom. Did you eventually turn out to be the one with a fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love, or did a mixed family prove to be an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you about it all. You can tell anonymously. Mail to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.

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