“You remind me of the one music video,” my brother told me. I knew right away what song he meant. Another chance by Roger Sanchez, where a girl with a giant heart in her hand walks through the streets of New York. Seeking love. She is blunt everywhere and at the end of the clip her heart is only the size of her hand. That comparison touched me so much because I knew he was right. “
“Ever since the relationship with my children’s father ended, I have been diligently searching for love. At first I thought of some party and adventure, but eventually I fell in love every time. In every man who was more beautiful, taller, cooler, more flirtatious than mine “and even the slightest interest in me, I mapped out a future in my mind. Sometimes I had already chosen my wedding dress before the first date, only to drive home disillusioned three hours later.”
“Sometimes I had a date in the afternoon and a date in the evening, sometimes three different lines next to each other. Not that I shared a bed with everyone, but I kept all my options open as best I could. In the meantime. “Contact with a married man the most stable factor in my dating life. I loved him and he loved me. But he did not divorce and without saying so, I continued dating.”
“A couple of times a boyfriend came close. Like the jovial beautiful who immediately took me to Antwerp on a date for a whole weekend. That’s it! I thought, but after a party of two nights he stopped texting ‘e. Except Friday night at about ten o’clock. Or when a firefighter from the neighborhood could not get enough of me. It started great and cozy, so when after a week or three he said he was not ready for a relationship yet, swallowed it and took a little more distance. We had so much fun, did he not? He wanted to see that I was the jackpot. And yes, after two days of silence, he stood at the door with his legs hanging. “
“But yes, after every nice date, the same tune came back. Like with the girl in the video clip, I tried harder and harder to make love work, and my heart got smaller and smaller. I became more careful and suspicious, and forward “After all, not really fun. When I first saw being single as a party, I increasingly felt like a failure that no man could hold.”
“During the holidays, I was quiet because I saw my parents hugging each other, my brother taking his wife’s hand, and I just made a breeze sandwich for myself. After each failed adventure, I cried for a day or two and then the crank I’m on apps again. Sometimes three at a time. “
“At one point, you come across the same headlines over and over again. Well, those men thought so too. After the omptuous hiss after about six dates, I yelled at a colleague and she tipped me off to read a book on rowing. I had to laugh, but she was serious. “In all the dates and contacts you row just to move on,” she said. A recognizable pitfall, and since she had read that book, she had managed to get one seriously entering into a relationship with the man who was now her boyfriend. “
“She was right. I was so tired, so tired, it was like a ‘date burnout’. I threw dating apps and started reading. It was the beginning of piles of self-help books, articles and clever quotes about love I was still dating occasionally, saw a physiotherapist and actually got into a relationship, not one for life, because after a year I realized I was still rowing so hard and going too far away from myself to let things go.
“For the first time, I dared to end a relationship because I was happier alone, and not to look for a better one. I’m no longer that girl with a heart on a hill. Love can really come naturally, that’s what I’m from So I no longer seek, but let that love find me by itself. ”
Wanted: Love Lessons
For the Love Lesson section of RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, fun, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with the hand in one’s own bosom. Did you end up being the one for fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love, or did a mixed family prove to be an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you about it all. You can tell anonymously. Mail to: email@example.com.