When Emy Jansen (27) enters a relationship at the age of seventeen, she does everything she can to be the perfect boyfriend. She goes to his church and only wears clothes that he likes. When the relationship ends, she is confronted with herself. “I found out I was always adjusting to my date and I was asking myself, who am I?”
“Even as a 15-year-old, I was afraid of ending up alone. Soon no one would fall in love with me. As a teenager, I used to worry a lot about it. My image of a relationship was totally romanticized. I thought you would praise each other and love you forever. You go through fire for each other.
Two years later, I met a boy at school who was completely in love with me. I did not really know what I thought of him. We talked to each other through a chat program and went to do something fun a few times. He was a real one gentlemen and had a smooth talk, it was a big butt. Suddenly he was all the way. It was my first serious relationship and I found it very exciting. “
His ideal girlfriend
“I had decided to spend the rest of my life with him, even though I was not sure at all in the back of my mind. Still, I threw myself completely into the relationship. When you are so young, you do not know who you are and where you want to go. The older we got, the more we grew apart. We both started to think differently about relationships and the future. I did not want that at all, because we would always be together. That was what I had decided. That’s why I switched to his ideal boyfriend.
If he would see his friends on a Saturday night, I would go with him. Also when I would much rather spend an evening at home on the couch with him because I had not seen him all week. We went to his church, often visited his family, and I wore only clothes that he liked me. I was afraid he would otherwise get a negative image of me and leave me. That was the worst thing that could happen to me. ”
“At one point, I completely ignored myself for an earthly relationship, while the relationship with Heavenly Father is the most important thing. I put him on a high pedestal, sometimes even higher than God. I was raised as a believer and made a conscious choice to follow Jesus. My friend and Jesus were so close that I thought: Who am I following?
I think after seven years he found out that our relationship was not quite what he was looking for, because like lightning from a clear sky he broke the relationship. I did not see it coming at all. The first months after he broke up were awful. I cried over the smallest things and felt desperate. I kept sending him text messages and emails telling him to get back together. It felt really bad to be rejected.
At this low point, I have experienced God more closely than ever. There was nothing left for me in my life except God. The night after the breakup was a night full of unrest, sadness and dissatisfaction. I cried out to God and felt heard by him. That morning I read Joshua 1: 5, which says, “I will not leave you nor forsake you.” I was comforted by this promise from the Bible. “
“After a few months, the intense feeling of abandonment subsided. After dating a few times after that, I found that I always adjusted to my date. I was confronted with myself. This made me realize what I had been doing in my relationship all these years. I’m still grateful that my ex-boyfriend had the courage to end the relationship, because I would never have done it myself.
Still, I fell into a hole. If I had always pretended to be different, who am I then? I had to rediscover that God loves me and that I am good, just as I am. It has been a struggle to admit it. He created me for a reason and wants the best for me. The fact that God is everywhere and will always love me is still very comforting. Life is not about social happiness, where you have to be married and have children. God loves me and I love him, that’s the most important thing. ”
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“I’ve been single for over three years now. Sometimes it’s hard to be alone. Some weeks are better than others. Fortunately, I have a nice group of Christian friends that I read from the Bible with and pray with. I can talk with them about this.How I learned that loneliness manifests itself in several forms.I feel lonely when I come home alone, but another person may feel lonely in a relationship because they do not feel seen by the partner.
Being a church and talking about this helps against loneliness. It’s a drug. When I think of the intimate relationship and the listening ear that I miss in my life at the end of the day, I come to think of them. God has allowed all beautiful people to cross my path in recent years. I may have been in a relationship before, but I’ve never had so many friendships. It has enriched my life enormously. ”
Desire for a partner
“Apart from the friendships that single life has brought me, it’s nice that I can do what I want. I feel free like a bird. One day I hope to have a relationship again, I’m definitely open to that. I can ask for that every night. If God still wants me to be left alone, I ask Him to give me strength for it, because I can not myself. In the end, it will be okay anyway. I believe that God wants to make my life fun and wants the very best for me.
Hopefully, other women who have been alone for a long time, like me, may find that God loves them above all else. It is not strange to want a relationship and you can place those wishes with him. In the end, God is over it with his love. “
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