Bobeldijk from WOW! Parental coaching recognizes the issue, she honestly admits. Her children also sometimes choose friends that she would rather have kept at a distance. “I remember a popular boy in the class of one of my children who regularly bullied other children. My child thought the classmate was quite interesting and did not dare say anything about the bullying, but thought it was annoying. So we practiced saying something together. nice for the victim of bullying next time. “
“As a parent, we are often afraid of the other person’s influence on your child,” Bobeldijk continues. “That the other person ignores your child, teaches negative behavior or takes you to places where you do not want your child to go. As a parent of a ten-year-old, you just have to realize that you can no longer (anymore) prevent it. Not now and certainly not if your child soon turns thirteen and goes to high school, even further from your field of vision. “
Ask instead: what do you think of the words I heard this afternoon?
Can’t mother Eline do anything when it comes to her questions? Of course it is, by Bobeldijk. Your role as a parent is to guide your child in dealing with questionable friends. Ask your child a lot of questions and focus on the behaviors you see. So do not: I really do not think it is possible that your boyfriend uses so many ugly words. But rather: what do you think about the words I heard this afternoon? “
“Then you can think together about how your child can handle the situation next time. Maybe he dares to say some of the ugly words. Or at least he will no longer be involved in pronouncing them. That way you teach the child to form. an opinion and thereby develop the backbone in relation to the many different people he will meet in his life. “
Your child can and will make mistakes in his life. It learns from it, it shapes him.
No, according to the parent coach, this does not mean that your child will behave exemplary the next time he or she plays with his / her girlfriend. “Your child can and will make mistakes in his life. It learns from what it shapes him. At this stage of his life, Eline’s son may even need an opposite pole to take a step in his development.”
A deep sigh is heard at the other end of the line. What does it mean? Bobeldijk: “I see so many parents control everything for their children. They do it out of love, I’m sure, but in the end they block part of their child’s (social-emotional) development. Rather give both your child and trust in yourself when it comes to the things you give him in upbringing. “