Renske: ‘I’d rather have a hug than sex with my husband’

“Iwan is the cutest man I could wish for. Oddly enough, I knew it right away when I met him. We both played badminton in a club in the center, and during a spontaneous doubles game he was very gallant. Small things. Give. me the space to grab a heavy ball anyway and not push forward like a rooster, for example. “

gentle and sweet

“He complimented me on my service. Not to make fun of, but simply because he meant it. Afterwards, he thanked me for the great pool we had narrowly won. Now a sports hall does no one any good, but with the white legs under the wide shorts and such a faded orange shirt, I did not faint right away. Not even at all. “

“I still felt something. Something. There were at least ten training sessions before Iwan asked me out. To the jazz festival in town. I thought it was nice and safe, because it might as well be friendly. Wasn’t it, of course. both softly swaying with a thick American with saxophone, I suddenly felt his arm around my waist and his lips on my cheek. Careful and sweet. “

“That’s how he still is now, 23 years later. With three teenagers, a nice but big house and both busy jobs, our lives are pleasantly full. Iwan cooks every day and shops, and if I just have a little. Has a headache, he washes also for me. I love him, and yet we have not been intimate for years. I can not even remember the last. “

“Sometimes he tries to seduce me, but unfortunately I do not feel it anymore. His body has become an old man’s body. Hanneke Groenteman recently said so aptly that she no longer needs sex because she does not like old people , and admitted that I do. And then Iwan is only 58, but still. I would rather have a hug than have sex with my husband. “

Intimacy in other things

“His body has become functional for me. I think his sweat is dirty and his breath is ugly. I do not say that because I love him so much. We do not talk much about sex or the lack of it. I know well, that sometimes he gives himself a little relief when he suddenly locks the bathroom door and I also take good care of myself when I go to bed early while he and the kids watch another movie downstairs.And that’s okay.We allow each other our own mystery. “

“Iwan knows there is a toy in my bedside table and finds and asks for nothing. Our intimacy lies in other things. In laughing together, in having half a word enough and to the annoyance of our children, sometimes saying exactly at the same time.in the plans we make for when the kids are out of the house and we retire, in the look he gives me when my demented mother says something unkind to me again and how I feel seen by him in it. give each other a hug at the beautiful moments, like when our young son recently passed on to the other. And in conversations with friends, he sometimes squeezes my hand. “

“The funny thing is, sex has never played a big role in our relationship. While I could rabbit with a former boyfriend for several days, it was never wild and violent with Iwan. We have been friends from day one, and it always was. in bed also loving and nice Recently I talked to a friend about sex and how she has put it so high on her priority list now that she is single again.How she can enjoy a great date and be disappointed when a sweet man turns out to be a softie in the bedroom. “

Not boring at all

“Suddenly it dawned on me that from the very beginning I decided with Iwan that the physical party would be a few steps lower in our relationship. I have had my party and my adventures, I have finished that chapter. Our story is beautiful and rich and by no means boring.Even the fact that we both do not make a point out of it, I think is a gesture of love.Everything I felt when I met Iwan has turned out to be completely true in 23 years.”

Wanted: Love Lessons

For the Love Lesson section of RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hands in your bosom. Did you eventually turn out to be the one with a fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love, or did a mixed family prove to be an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you about it all. You can tell anonymously. Mail to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.

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