Column 41: ‘He uses my designer earrings as extortion’ | Columns and meaning

some men ghost before you get home safely from your first date. Other men seem to be unable to shake you off. The same was Alain, who after only a few dates was ‘stuck like a license plate’, as the rapper Boef would call it. From the second I saw him, I would retire. But after so many mismatches, you think ‘maybe I should endure, who knows, maybe the tremors will come later.’

Please unmatch

Well, they came, but in the wrong way: after dates 3, 4 and 5, it really started to itch. It had been beautiful. This man did not fit into my life at all. not qua attitudenor what appearance† The more I got to know him, the more I thought he was a self-righteous Aquarius. He could only talk about boats and watches he had to buy. Really, how fast do you want an exit? I did not need a sling, no friendship. Please unmatch† But no matter how many times I said I did not like it, my words seemed to fall on deaf ears.

hat off

We had only seen each other a handful of times, so one would think one could quickly drop a man. Alain, however, kept coming and grabbed everything (and everything) to try to make contact. You know it: the endless back and forth. “CD from you, CD from me”, so you still have to keep changing indefinitely after a relationship or date phase. It started with his hat. When I met him after a scary night on the town (I was especially disgusted by his boasting white privilege stories) told us that it would be better to end the evening as friends, he would first come to my house to pick up his cap. Of course you left your cap with me. Smart move, Alain.

On the decorative chair

Once at my house, he threw his coat on a chair, opened a beer, and began his story. Why we were such a good match, what other plans he had for me. Alain had crawled up into the pick-up chair and he would not get off it until he convinced me to move on with him. I did not give a kick, listened to him out of decency, but wanted to go to bed. Eventually I got him out the door. “Do not contact me again, okay.”

without stopping

The next morning, however, I had barely finished my bowl of oatmeal when another message from him appeared on my screen. A link to rapper Anderson Paak’s concert tickets that we had bought together: “We’re still here, right?” he tried. “No, Alain, better not. Take someone else with you.” Sigh … It was like one big assertion workout, very necessary I think, because I always stay too sweet.

Claustrophobic evening away

A few hours later again: Alain on my screen. This time a screenshot of a hotel stay. “We really have to do this, Maartje. If necessary, just as friends.” Shit, that’s true. In a spontaneous mood we had booked a night in a tiny house in Noordwijk. It was only a month. Not a hair on my head that I should sit in a small house with him. I became claustrophobic by the thought. “Preferably not. I’m taking over the reservation and the cost, “I offered kindly. I smelled nice in it, but something better than another night with this ball under one roof (you).

Held as a hostage with a pair of earrings

That evening, however, Alain had found something again: “Your YSL earrings are still here.” Damn! I cursed loudly and sat on the couch. How could I be so stupid as to leave my favorite and also the most expensive earrings (no, not the ones I got from neighbor Omar with Sinterklaas) with him? Alain lived deep in Amsterdam East, so I really had to go there especially for that. Plus: I was going to see him again, and then his whole love affair would start all over again. “Can you mail them? Just send a little bit for the shipping cost,” I replied. But of course Alain was too bad to go all the way to the post office. He had a big trump card in his hands and he knew it. “We’re ready, does not? Come and get them yourself. “

very difficult

kiss! I could not block him, so I had to face him again. I jumped on my bike. I’d better just take this patch off at once. He made me wait at the door for half an hour (the gentleman ran a errand) and then pretended he could not find them. When my gems were handed over, there were some mockery, desperate attempts to trigger something in me. But the sock was over. I hurried to the door and hurried home. Alain soon went ‘on the block’!

About & Out

Two days later in my Instagram message inbox (I hadn’t blocked it yet): “Your water bottle is still here.” Frankly speaking? Will you hold me hostage for my water bottle? This man was so transparently desperate. How tough should I really be? “You know what Alain, keep them!” His lines were fully developed. Now he really had nothing on me anymore. Delete, block (and even though I’m anti), ghost.


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