Ilvy: ‘Remco does not see my late husband as a threat’

Of all the people I saw on my first internship, Tim stayed with me the most. He was the boss’s son and quickly showed that he liked me. But one who was completely available to me and I did not want any of “No, I’d rather just keep messing with different men to get over a relationship with an elusive lover over thirty years older.”


“It was only when Tim retired that I began to see how nice he was. I reminded him of the wine he once suggested and it shocked him. He dated someone else and stopped when I told them, “I was serious. Then it went. fast. Eight months later we lived together, two years later we got married and another year later our daughter Emma was born.”

“Meanwhile, he stopped in the family business and we moved to Zwolle. Our relationship was always stormy. We just did what feels right. Now I think we subconsciously sensed that the time we had together would not be so long. Tim and I were really close friends and did a lot together. “

“When he was not feeling fit, the GP thought it was stress and that he should take a paracetamol. But he lost more and more and became the first night in our new house so bad that we took on the hospital. thought of tropical diseases, infections and ultimately cancer. “

Wrong thing

“In the afternoon we got the result of the CT scan, and Tim already felt it was not right. Unfortunately, he was right. They saw so extensively a cancer, they do not even learn it in the books. The earth sank under our feet away. We “had a five-month-old daughter and a whole life ahead of us, we thought. Tim was instantly defeated and I was very combative. Two completely different ways of dealing with this news between two such good friends.”

“He was completely introverted and I went outside. I lost him emotionally at first and also wanted to lose him physically. It turned out that nothing could be done about it and ten weeks later Tim died. I was still breastfeeding, was drunk of hormones and began to cling to life. “

“Some time after Tim’s death I started dating again, but I actually could not at all. I called the much older childhood sweetheart again, dated a married colleague for a while and was finally done with all the just-not-I decided to focus on my daughter, bought a new house and was consciously alone. “

“I joined the art committee at my work, and there I met Remco. He immediately caught me, even though we are very different types. During a study visit, I suddenly felt like I wanted to kiss him. He brought me home to this study. Visit came in, and suddenly I heard Tim’s voice: ‘That’s right’. “


“We’ve been together for 3.5 years now and it’s a big shot, although it’s not always easy. He’s a little older than me and has been alone for years and he’s got two women for the price of one. With a girl who is also used to getting all the attention for seven years.We both come from different backgrounds and I am quite demanding, in the sense that I like to put my loved one on a pedestal, but I also like it the other way around. “

“We’re really different in that, but we’re fine. Remco is also the first man who does not find Tim ‘scary’ and does not see me as a kind of trophy, but really sees ‘me’. Tim is my husband, and “My daughter’s father, and Remco does not see that as a threat. He does not ask if I compare him to Tim, and he can handle all the questions and conversations.”

“I think I talk about Tim at least four times a day, with him or my daughter or someone, and it’s never a problem. Because of my good relationship with Remco, I was also confronted with grief again. It was first “I got into a healthy relationship and was able to start building the future again, that I felt how tired I was.”

“Suddenly I could let go of the reins again, suddenly go out at night. Also the realization that Remco will never be a father like Tim was, no matter how much he loves her, did a lot to me. The feeling unconditionally that I feel … It amazing is that it can all be there with Remco.We talk about what we feel and there is enough room for everything.One who is dead stands on a pedestal and you must also feel like leaving it there.And Remco “I can never believe I’m getting married before the law, but I want to celebrate love with Remco.”

Wanted: Love Lessons

For the Love Lesson section of RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with the hand in one’s own bosom. Did you eventually turn out to be the one with a fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love, or did a mixed family prove to be an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you about it all. You can tell anonymously. Mail to:

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