“After a year of dating and reinventing myself – I was suddenly single after 13 years, with plenty of time on the weekends when my children were with their father – I met Roberto through a dating app. A little more seriously, because with the lightning . .. dating in the stolen hours, I was done now.
After two days of talking, he suggested a walk. Sunday morning and I thought that was a good idea. Plenty of room for conversation, I thought, and a safe distance from one-of-the-other danger when starting the date with a drink.”
“He was my type, I could tell right away. Good head with gray curls, friendly smile and a touch of sportiness. And luckily he was wearing sneakers under his jeans instead of hiking boots, I laughed the idea off with a friend No, Roberto was a cute “Relationship Material,” I texted my boyfriend after our date.
Three days later we saw each other again and after our first kiss I could see us fluttering through life together. I took him to the beach, he took me to a music festival, and before long we were naturally coordinating our kid-free weekend plans.”
“We were at it for about four months when our country threatened to go into lockdown for the second time due to corona. The first cracks were already palpable because I liked being vaccinated and Roberto was really anti. He didn’t want to QR code and so we weren’t on terraces but on a picnic blanket in the park. We accepted our differences and in the happiness of the late autumn sun it didn’t feel like a problem either.”
“But when we saw each other more often, and sometimes spent a few days a week together, I came into conflict with myself. I became more and more attached to Roberto, and I felt more for him, but at the same time my dislike. grew, because we were diametrically opposed when it came to corona politics.
Roberto refused to keep his distance, just went to the office and refused to wear a mask when he had to. He thought it was nonsense and became increasingly suspicious of the government and the medical world. Then he would send me another video, or a plan that he thought showed it was all broken. I found myself increasingly trying to avoid the subject and holding back when friends asked me to introduce him.”
“It wasn’t until one of my friends asked me if I was ashamed of him that my blinders fell off. It was a joke to her, but that comment made me realize I was kidding myself myself. The idea of a committed relationship, the attraction I felt for Roberto, and how lovely he was otherwise dazzled me. I was ashamed of his opinion. As society split into two camps, I had tried with all my heart to be impartial But my soul could not at all.
I am curious and generous, but now I had deliberately turned away from what I stand for. Shame is an enemy of love and the last thing I want to feel for the man who is my partner. In a relationship, I think it is important that you are proud of each other and that you help each other further. What is love if you avoid the difficult conversations? We had sex and Netflix, but that has nothing to do with a relationship anymore.”
“When I expressed my concerns to Roberto, it was over immediately. He took it well, no one got angry, but the moment the words rolled off my tongue, the distance between us suddenly seemed threefold.
I don’t regret it. Love was beautiful while it lasted and I like to feel like I want to give myself to someone again. The time for adventure is over, I go for connection. I stay away from apps. Because although there may also be people with serious intentions, I now primarily want to see myself as relationship material.’
The name Fatima is a fictitious name. Her real name is known to the editors.
Wanted: Love Lessons
For the Love Lesson section on RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hand in your own bosom. Did you end up being the one with the fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love, or did a blended family turn out to be an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can report anonymously. Mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org.