​Navigation Loop… or how map reading leads to relationship problems…

In fact, I can’t remember if I had ever heard of it? At least I never thought it would happen to me. On closer inspection, I also seem to have suffered from it a lot longer than I thought. All along, though, I’ve mistaken it for something else entirely, assuming he was just a lot smarter than me. In retrospect, that turns out not to be the case, and he’s just a lot more retarded than he’s been all along.

How it all started…

It all started about eight or nine years ago – shortly after the start of our relationship – on the way to southern Germany. Due to his physical limitations, I am generally the one driving. He can read cards, but at least he’s making himself somewhat useful. But at one point he was merrily directing me off the highway, onto secondary roads, past traffic lights, through built-up areas, all under the guise of the fastest route. That may well be the case, but once I’m in motorway mode for a long time, I don’t want to suddenly have to participate intensively in regional or city traffic again. It’s just not in my head. I’d rather drive tens of kilometers and then have to continuously switch from the Autobahn to the Landesstrasse and vice versa. It is not the case that motorways are scarce in Germany.

So the next times we drove to southern Germany, I ignored him and just took the first suitable autobahn south. He might know a faster route, but he doesn’t need to constantly point that out to me, does he? Well, let me tell you the following, so he does! Every time I ignored him, he kept yelling for at least 40-50 kilometers that I had better take any next turn. At the time, I still naively assumed that he was just much smarter than me and wanted to show that there was a faster route over certain secondary roads.

Over the years I kept taking the same route south and learned to ignore it for the first 40-50 kilometers after the appropriate exit that he had not specifically recommended. As so many relationships show, you eventually learn to live with even the biggest bastard, right? Since he seemed so much smarter than me, maybe it was in my best interest to stay with him? Until I found out that he was not smarter than me at all.

The very first hairline cracks…

I got the first concrete indication of that last year. Due to roadworks and an error of judgment on my part, I accidentally took the wrong lane or exit and before I knew it I was in busy city traffic. As he kept whining “turn around, try to turn around” I tried to focus on the rest of the traffic and the traffic lights. I reasoned that if I just drove straight for a while, he would automatically indicate an alternative back to the highway. Yes, after a few miles it stopped whining, picked itself up and navigated me back to the highway. Wasn’t it because the highway near this entrance was closed due to the aforementioned work.

OK, what to do now? I recognized the driveway as the place where I had gotten off the freeway fifteen minutes ago. I actually drove around. Somewhat stressed, I thought that if I just kept driving more or less parallel along the highway a little longer, he would direct me back to the highway near the next entrance. After about five kilometers, there also actually appeared to be a ramp that I could use to continue on my way. From that moment it dawned on me that he seemed to have entered some kind of mental loop.

As long as the ignored or blocked option is faster than the next closest alternative, it will stoically try to lead me back to the same ignored or blocked option. Although it seemed somewhat autistic to me, apparently nothing human was foreign to him. Because it was about five kilometers at most, I didn’t pay much attention to this. We never talked about it after that. The scales still did not fall from my eyes.

The end of our relationship in sight…

Until last summer, the scales finally fell off my eyes. Due to the blocking of an entire stretch of highway due to the construction of a new bridge, I had no choice but to ignore his instructions. Although he was smart enough to stop yelling “turn around, try to turn around” in the middle of the Autobahn, it soon became clear to me that his instructions to take the next exits onto secondary roads would result in me was brought back. the blocked highway.

Therefore, I thought I would have to wait more than 25 kilometers before I would trust him again. After 30 kilometers I decided to follow his directions again and what was my surprise. He was still trying to send me back on the Autobahn in the opposite direction to the point where I had previously ignored the exit to the blocked freeway. Only then did it dawn on me how retarded he really is without an internet connection.

For all those years, that idiot, under the pretense of being smarter than me, regularly advised me to turn onto secondary roads. But all the while that stupid ass was just trying to take me in the opposite direction on the Autobahn back to the place where I had first questioned his advice. Talk about stubborn as a mule. During mutual disagreements, the terribly authoritarian bastard proves incapable of anything other than harassing me for a long time by continuing to advise me to drive sometimes 40-50 kilometers back to the place of disagreement.

Finally separated…

That is, as long as the ignored or blocked option is faster than the next closest alternative. Now I realize how docile and naive I have been assuming that he would know better than me. Time and time again, he appears to communicate structurally unreliable during mutual differences of opinion.

We’ve now broken up and I’m in a rush to flirt again!

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