Lobke broke off his relationship with Renate after 4 months: ‘She called me a coward’

Lobke* (37) was in a relationship with . for four months Renate (32). She broke up with her ex almost two months ago Gus (43). “She called me a coward.”

Unhappy

“Guus is convinced that my love affair with Renate was a phase. That that curiosity had to get out of my system and that it made our relationship stronger. To be very honest, that’s not quite the case.”

“Yes, I was unhappy during the three years with Guus. I often thought: what now? Are we really going to get married and have kids? buy a house? Are you thinking about our pension? That stress flew to my neck. I thought it was too bourgeois, too bland. And then I suddenly bumped into Renate in the spa.”

Renate

“I was immediately fascinated; Renate is so elegant. She doesn’t just walk, it looks like she’s floating. And that smile…. I felt the tingling in my stomach. In relationships, I was always very practical: being a good match with someone took priority over passion.”

“Guus and I get along very well. We understand eachother. We have the same ambitions and want the same things, like getting married in his wealthy aunt’s mansion, an apartment in Paris and two children. But half a year ago I suddenly had doubts when I looked into Renate’s eyes. My heartbeat accelerated. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted, just that I wanted to be with her.”

“‘What kind of treatment would you recommend for me?’ I had asked her and rubbed my hand against my neck. Fortunately, Renate had time later that afternoon to give me an extensive massage. I wanted to feel her everywhere and thoroughly enjoyed her soft hands on my naked body. Unfortunately, I was only a customer , and she worked professionally. So I didn’t put my towel down any further. And I certainly didn’t separate my legs at all, which, to my surprise, I desperately wanted.”

Only on Funda

“You’re so absent,” Guus had said a few times after that spa day. I waved it away, only to admire Renate’s Instagram account for the umpteenth time a moment later. Was I in love? On a woman? Oh no? My apartment had just been built on Funda and I wanted to buy a mansion together with Guus. Then he would propose – I know, not very spontaneously – and we would soon get married and start a family.”

“Maybe I had cold feetI thought for a moment. Or I was just curious: what is a woman like? To my own surprise, I figured it out pretty quickly.”

Big party

“There was a big party in our town and there she was at the bar. “My dear stalker,” said Renate, referring to the fact that I liked all her photos on Instagram. I looked like a teenager. She didn’t mind. On the contrary .”

“We isolated ourselves and talked all evening: about our lives, dreams and wishes. It felt amazing that she kissed me at the end of the night. And… also very familiar. As if it should be. On the bike home I glowed until Guus called to check if everything was okay. I had completely forgotten about him.”

hurt

“‘Is there another one?’ he asked the day after the injury. I didn’t lie, but indicated that I didn’t know more. That I needed space to think about the future, and wanted to be single for a while, without pressure and obligations. Sobbing, he agreed. And I? I only thought about those butterflies in my stomach, for Renate. Because yes, I immediately wrote to her if she wanted to meet.”

“I was very selfish, I can see that now. But how shamelessly I enjoyed it. Renate had more experience with women and knew exactly what I liked in bed. We were almost always together doing fun things. Like best friends, with a little extra. We really lived in the moment. Well, look at me. After four months, Renate suddenly started talking about a family weekend, to which I was also invited. And she indicated that she also really wanted to go to my brother’s wedding. I was very shocked by that.”

coward

“Up until that point, our love affair was our secret. A wonderful and precious secret, but it should remain so. Renate called me a coward because I don’t out & proud dare to be with her. We got into a fight about it while we were walking her dog.”

“She was right. Part of me still wants to be with her and walk down the street hand in hand. Just…to admit to my decent Christian parents and my co-workers at the decent bank branch that I prefer to spend my free time with my sexy beautician… I couldn’t.”

“‘It was just a phase,’ I lied to Guus a few weeks later, who had hugged me again. I know he will propose soon and I will accept that proposal. I choose security and politeness, and I have even more difficulty with that now than before. Because I know Renate exists and I already secretly miss her a lot.”

*Names have been changed.

Text: Agnes Hofman | Image: iStock

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