Sannie: ‘Precisely because he is bound, I feel safe’

“‘You’re not going to do that, are you?’ said my friends. But I do. On Tinder I matched with Patrick, a handsome and fit 40-something. Only when we started chatting did he say he was in an open relationship. Sneaky did it because if he had mentioned that in his profile, I would never have given him a green heart Anyway, now we were talking, tipping each other good poems and discussing which musical covers were and which weren’t better than the original.

After a few days of texting, Patrick suggested calling. My son was at his dad’s that night and I just zapped so I said yes. His voice was warm and cheerful and before we knew it we were talking for two hours. Apparently your phone automatically hangs up after an hour and fifty nine minutes of calls. But he called back. For his work, Patrick regularly sleeps in a hotel in Randstaden, and on those evenings he has a good time.”

“The invitation for a drink was not delayed and a week later I got on the train to the capital without saying anything to my friends. For years we have had the agreement that we always let the app group know where we are at first meeting. . . date, but now I hadn’t forwarded my location to anyone. I found it exciting enough myself and was in no mood for judgments and well-intentioned advice.”

No pressure, no expectations

“It was a party, really. Patrick was even more beautiful than in the pictures, he held the door open for me, pushed my chair and smelled delicious. After two wines he asked me to leave and naturally took my hand. We walked past shiny shop windows and in in the mirror I saw my own happy face He asked if he could kiss me in the middle of the street.

I felt like I was floating, it was so nice. Unlike other dates, because I felt no pressure, no expectations to fulfill. Not entirely by chance, we passed by his hotel and made love to the stars. Never has the first time felt so good. Patrick pampered me and it was like reading my body.”

“The next morning I sent a text to my friends on the way back and immediately it rained with questions. Why was I at the Amsterdam station on a Wednesday at eleven? And why hadn’t I said anything? she was happy for me.

Although some insist that dating a bound man is a one-way heartbreak. But I don’t see it that way. Patrick is not a cheater. There is no need for anything secret, I know exactly when we can call and his wife knows my name and wishes us a good evening. Precisely because I am bound, I feel safe.’

Missing things go wrong

“Patrick shows genuine interest in me and I feel seen. With him I am slowly learning to give myself and for the first time since the relationship with my ex, where I felt deeply unhappy and lonely, I dare to trust and enjoy again Just because everything is open and honest, and there is also a clear boundary.

We’re not going to fall in love. As soon as one of the two gets feelings that do not fit into this contact, it is done. A little longing is good, we see it as an aperitif, but it is wrong to be missing. I don’t think it will get that far’.

“We’ve now seen each other about five times and we call once or twice a week. And otherwise I can just move on, focus completely on my son and I still have enough time for my friends at the weekend. It’s just enough and above all, not too much.

My Tinder is also still active. I swipe every now and then and chat with matches. Next week I have a date with someone new. That’s just what Patrick likes for me. He watched and even encouraged me. “This looks like a good boy, give it a shot,” he said. The equality I feel in this and the lessons I’m learning to express myself and find my limits are proving to be exactly what I need now.”

The names Sannie and Patrick have been changed. Their real names are known to the editors.

Wanted: Love Lessons

For the Love Lesson section on RTL Nieuws Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hand in your own bosom. Did you end up being the one with the fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love, or did a blended family turn out to be an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can report anonymously. Mail to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.

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