We love green flags, we love them. After all, it’s a sign that the person you’re dating is a good person. We are therefore very careful when we start dating someone, but it is equally important to spot any red flags. So today we’re sharing some financial warning signs.
Talk about money
The dating warning signs are sometimes obvious (trust issuestalk super negatively about exes), but sometimes they’re also less obvious. Especially when it comes to finances. People often act a little reserved, but it is extremely important to have some insight into each other’s financial thinking if your relationship becomes serious.
Money is one of the most common reasons couples argue and one of the hardest topics to discuss. Rachel Needle on HuffPost. “The topic of money often brings other issues to light, so it’s not always about the money itself.”
Several studies have shown that financial problems – in addition to infidelity and mismatches – are one of the leading causes of divorce in the United States. Now we don’t live in the US, but money can also cause problems in the Netherlands. “It is therefore important that you are aware of financial red flags at the start of a relationship. It can prevent a lot of pain and grief in the future,” says Needle. Although she also wants to add some nuance to it. “Not every red flag is a reason to end a relationship or dating, but there are things you should talk about that can help you make a decision.”
1. Someone doesn’t want to talk openly about their finances
“The biggest red flag that comes to mind is someone not wanting to talk openly about their finances, especially when you ask about it or when you get the feeling that someone is hiding something,” says the financial planner Nicole Carson.
Now, you don’t need to ask about someone’s financial health right away on the first date, but it is important to know if someone has student loans or perhaps other debt. These topics often come up as you get to know each other better. “It’s very appropriate to ask about someone’s financial status and goals,” says one relationship therapist Liz Higgins. Although this must be done at the right time. “By this I mean you don’t need to ask for these details on the first date, but if you’ve been dating for a few months, it’s appropriate to ask about someone’s financial health. If someone’s reaction is closed off to this or don’t want to talk about it, I’ll see it as a red flag.”
2. Someone is using money to manipulate you
It’s great when your date insists on paying for your dinner, but if they start using it against you, that’s a really bad sign. “It’s a real red flag if someone is using money to manipulate you,” says the dating coach Damona Hoffman.
It can also be a bad sign if someone asks if they can borrow money from you or if they want an expensive gift. “Is your date asking for an expensive gift or an expensive vacation? Then there’s a chance the person thinks you’re rich, and then it’s time for a conversation!” says the financial coach Tatiana Tsoir.
3. Someone throws money around
Sure, you may have hooked up with someone who actually has a large savings account, but according to Tsoir, it’s a red flag if someone spends money very easily. “It’s often for decoration,” she says. She thinks it’s good to start a conversation with someone. “Is anyone giving a good explanation or does it look like someone is trying to impress you?”
In the latter case, according to Tsoir, it is good to be careful with your date. “It may well be that the person is reckless with money, but it is also possible that the person does not want a serious relationship.” In that case, someone will quickly leave a crushing impression to start a fling.
4. Someone has no financial or career goals
Of course, someone may not have any financial or career goals, and that doesn’t have to be a red flag. Still, it’s on the list. This can make it difficult to assess whether you are a good match. “If you ask what someone’s passion is or what someone’s goals are, it can tell a lot about how they handle money,” says the psychotherapist. Noorhayati said. “This tells a little about what is important to them. At the end of the day, it’s not about how much money someone makes, but how someone handles money.”
5. Someone is in financial debt and is not handling this well
Unfortunately, life doesn’t always turn out the way we want it to, and it can happen that you date someone who has debt. First things first, so it doesn’t have to be a red flag. It is important to know what kind of debt it is and how someone deals with it. “Someone can have a mortgage or a student loan, and it’s not the same as credit card debt,” says money expert Nicole Pain.
Carson adds that it’s a bad sign if someone has to borrow money to make ends meet. “It can mean that someone is not good with money. It is important to find out if it is a temporary money problem or if there are bigger problems.”
6. Someone lies about money
Lying is never good. No lies about money either. After all, you want to be able to trust each other 100 percent. “Lying about finances can and will negatively affect your relationship,” Said said. Lying about money can drive two people apart, but it can also make money problems worse.
Now it’s always good to be honest about money. And Said knows that it is difficult. We associate money with independence and admitting that your finances are not in good shape can cause feelings of shame and inadequacy. “It’s important that these feelings are acknowledged and that you can do this together as a couple to solve the problem together.”
Source: HuffPost | Image: iStock