Sanne (40), seven years together with Pieter (38), sons Johan (20), Remco (17), Jonny (11) and Joep (4).
“The very first line in my Tinder profile said that I had children, the youngest of whom was only four years old. If a man couldn’t handle it, he didn’t have to answer. Honestly, I wasn’t even looking for a new relationship, rather a companion. The marriage to my sons father had been toxic. My ex abused us both mentally and physically, and it had taken a lot of effort to free me from that. Now that I was single again for a while, I wanted something right. From an adult.
Pieter and I turned out to be a match on Tinder, but neither of us made the first contact. Until he was suddenly spontaneously presented as a possible friend on Facebook. Apparently the universe wanted to tell me something. I added him and we had a chat. We video chatted with each other and agreed on a date after a few weeks. At my house because I didn’t have a babysitter. Just for fun. Pieter also just got out of a bad relationship, he wanted to take it easy like me.
“He also just got out of a bad relationship, he wanted to take it easy like me”
But when I opened the door and looked into Pieter’s eyes, the flames knocked me out. He kissed me and I really lifted off the ground. There were no violins yet. Conversely, Pieter was also instantly in love. Things moved very quickly between us after that. In fact, he never left.
My three kids didn’t deter him, and neither did my decent backpack. At the time I was suffering from major panic and anxiety attacks. For example, I did not dare to eat out and hardly went out into the street. Pieter was very understanding, supported me and I was allowed to be myself with him. He also turned out to be a super sweet stepdad. Even Jonny, beaten by the past and no longer trusting a man, was on his lap within five minutes. Pieter is also really his father to him.
To love almost daily
Particularly beautiful was the incredibly strong physical attraction between us. At first we had to wait until the kids were in bed. When Jonny went upstairs I was forced to send the two elders to their rooms with a warning not to come out. Especially the living room was not allowed. That way, Pieter and I could still love undisturbed and unheard.
“Sex is extremely important to both of us. It makes us happier and more relaxed”
Sex is extremely important to both of us. It gives us energy, it makes us happier and more relaxed. We therefore never say no, unless I have a very heavy period. I really believe in making sense. It’s like sports; you dread it beforehand, but after a yoga or fitness workout, you’re happy. I think you can trigger yourself – just as well kiss, caress; usually I’m back by that time.
That’s why we do it almost every day since we met, except for a little dip after the birth of our son Joep. I struggled with postpartum depression four years ago and the baby slept in our bed too. We barely had enough freedom of movement and often had to settle for quick sex in the bath. Or if my mother-in-law was babysitting a quickie in the car or in the woods.
Also read – ‘Our sex life increased sixfold after I told him about my fantasies’ >
Fortunately, we picked up our high frequency again when Joep went to sleep in his own bed. We immediately put a lock on the bedroom door. The reason we value privacy so much is because we’re a little more extreme when it comes to sex. For example, we like to play BDSM games where we dress up and use special toys. It is not my intention that just when I am bound or naked and blindfolded, a child comes in who has had a scary dream or wants a drink of water.
“We like to play BDSM games where we dress up and use special toys”
We have now reached the point that if we are disturbed by one of our sons – Joep has already rattled the doorknob twice with ‘hey, why is the door locked?’ – we pick up the thread of love again. We have to, because if we have to wait until there are no more children living in our house, it will be twenty years later.
A night alone
But usually they save the most extreme games until we’re away for the weekend or really all night alone. Pieter invents entire scenarios, which he writes down in advance on his phone. As soon as we have the whole house to ourselves, we can go wild and unpack completely.
The start is in the bedroom, where a set of clothes awaits me: pantyhose with an open crotch, sexy lingerie or a latex or fishnet suit. I have no idea what’s going to happen. I only know that afterwards I have to go downstairs, where Pieter is waiting for me on the bench. But the moment I change, the excitement rises and I get in the mood.
“He pretends to be a window cleaner, gives me orders and ‘punishes’ me with a whip or tap”
My role is often the submissive, the slave, Pieter my strict master. He pretends to be a burglar or a window cleaner. He gives me orders and ‘punishes’ me with whips or pressure. It may seem strange that I enjoy masochism considering my abusive ex, but it actually helps me cope. I dare to surrender myself completely to Pieter. There are times when he grabs me hard, penetrates me with his hands around my neck, but a moment later I feel his arms around me lovingly again.
Due to the time it takes to play and the absolute necessity of being childless, we can’t get into BDSM too often. Our big dream is to one day create a SM basement or room that we soundproof and where we place all sorts of special attributes such as a hanging chair. Similar to what you saw in Fifty shadesmovie. We now have to make do with hooks in the ceiling of our bedroom, a closet full of madness and our imagination. Fortunately, it is limitless.”
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This article appears in Kek Mama 10-2022.
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