In a relationship, we all have our own needs and wants. And yes, we like to talk about that too. Yet expressing your needs and wants is usually seen as something negative in a relationship. But why is that anyway? According to a psychologist from Well and good is pure nonsense. There is nothing wrong with having needs. Let alone communicating them to your partner and expecting them to be met.
Needs and expectations
According to the psychologist, it is already very healthy to assess what you need and are looking for in a relationship. After all, you don’t want to be in a relationship where you end up thinking: ‘it’s not like that’. Additionally, it is even healthier to communicate these needs to your partner and also have expectations. You don’t say that for nothing, do you?
However, this is not always the case. In fact, it is often assumed that these needs and desires can be met outside of your relationship. But you have to step on the brakes for a while. In reality, our needs and desires are fulfilled precisely when we are dependent and connected to others. Take notes!
The psychologist explains that being relationally connected and having healthy, positive and supportive relationships has a great influence on our personal growth and ‘cure‘. It is therefore important to know what needs and expectations you have and make them very clear to your partner. In this way, you immediately tell us how you want to be treated emotionally.
Get rid of the negative energies and thoughts associated with need in a relationship. Be proud of yourself for knowing exactly what you want in a relationship and having the courage to express it! And that’s not the only positive thing about it, because according to the psychologist there are three more important reasons why stress in your relationship is actually super good. We list them for you.
Do you fit together?
Let’s get straight to the point: if you express your needs, you can quickly find out whether or not your partner can provide it. It is a common problem that people in a relationship who are ashamed of their needs do not realize that they are – in short – with someone who is not emotionally suitable for them. For example, if you find yourself asking the same thing over and over again, chances are your partner simply can’t give you what you need. And that’s why you’re ashamed of your need, when instead you should recognize that you’re with someone who doesn’t suit you.
Of course, calling ourselves ‘needy’ is a form of self-protection to deal with this disappointment, when in reality it only brings you down. It can even make you doubt your needs in a relationship, which in turn can lead to zero expectations. And that while expectations and needs are precisely the foundation for a good relationship.
It is often difficult to recognize that your partner simply cannot give you what you need. In this case, there are two scenarios to choose from:
- Adjust your expectations of your partner by acknowledging their boundaries and find ways to meet your own needs.
- Decide if you are confident that you can move forward in this relationship.
Flexible and compromise
The psychologist states that seeing your partner every day is sometimes accompanied by a number of obstacles – think: fatigue, commuting, etc. But if you want to see your partner every day and your partner wants to see, it is your mutual need . If your partner indicates that he/she thinks it is too much of a good thing to see each other every day, then that need may not be realistic. And if that is not realistic, compromise is a good way out. It is the same as adapting to your needs, because your partner also has his own needs. But don’t forget that a healthy relationship is created when both you and your partner are open to some flexibility if you both have different opinions about something.
We have all experienced it: sometimes we have our ‘needs’ in situations where they cannot be met. For example, hanging out with people who are emotionally unavailable can make it seem like you are the problem. And that while they are the problem. It is simply – almost – impossible to expose your needs to someone who cannot fulfill them and has his own agenda. Unfortunately, it’s often the case that if you really like someone, it can cost you your head. You keep giving this person another chance when they have already shown what they are like as a person. And that’s a shame!
Let’s face it, dating itself is hard enough, so date people who are clear and direct with their intentions. In addition, make your own needs and expectations clear and see how they respond to them. Be clear but also kind, communicate your expectations and see their reaction. Simple as that! And while there’s often a negative connotation to the word “needy,” this is your chance to embrace it. Every person has needs and there is nothing to be ashamed of!
Source: Good and Good | Image: iStock