“When we were sixteen we started dating and when we were twenty we got married. That’s how it went in our village. We bought a house and started living together from mother’s nest. I was often alone at home because he was often in the country out..
So I had two lives, one week with myself and the other week with him. Quite nice even, because deep down I’ve always felt like I missed a step in my life. Shouldn’t I live alone first? But that did not happen”.
“After three years there were more and more fights and arguments. I wanted to go out, but my husband didn’t want to. In the city? He didn’t want to go on vacation? Why should we, he asked. At that time, my sister had It was also hard at home, so she was often with us. Then my husband lived up to his mood, joked and was up to everything. With me he was withdrawn and almost shy around people, and with her he seemed like a completely different person .
Painful: my husband had more fun with my sister than with me. And no matter what I tried, things were never the way they were between us. The feeling that something was going on between the two grew. For example, when I rang the doorbell, they came together downstairs, and when I walked the dog, he preferred to stay with her. When I asked what was wrong, he said nothing.
Discuss suspicions with a psychologist
“It drove me crazy and I ran away. I went out and found my own nice things. It made me depressed, I was finally medicated by the doctor. In the meantime, I was pointed at. I wanted someone else and live on my own .”
But you know when someone points out to you that you have someone else, you have to wonder if the opposite isn’t the case. I did not discuss my suspicions with my sisters, but I did discuss them with a psychologist. He said: you must say as little as possible to find out what is going on. So I did.”
“But you know, if someone points out to you that you have another, you have to seriously wonder if the opposite isn’t the case. I didn’t discuss my suspicions with my sisters, but with a psychologist who said: you need to say as little as possible to find out what’s going on so i did.
“After a year of fighting, I said to my mother, ‘I really can’t take it anymore’. ‘Maybe you should get a divorce,’ she said, and that blessing was exactly what I needed. I had no reason, but neither did life . We broke up, with the story that things weren’t going well anymore and that I wanted kids and he didn’t. He waited just as long for me to file for divorce. So everyone said, look , she doesn’t want to anymore.”
“I bought a house with the idea: I never need a relationship again. Finally my free years, my place to myself and do what I like to do. I never spoke to my ex again. A friend of my sister sometimes slept with me when we went out and one day the conversation turned to my ex. “I know what was going on,” she said suddenly, and then she told everything.”
“So my suspicions turned out to be correct. My husband was having an affair with my sister at the time. I didn’t know what I was hearing, but it also gave me some kind of peace. See? I had a good feeling. I asked my sister if it was correct and she confirmed everything. Then I wrote a letter to my former in-laws and to my parents because I wanted justice. I didn’t get much of a response and I wasn’t really mad because our marriage was already over Contact with my sister and family has slowly disappeared.”
“I’ve been single for four years, to my complete satisfaction. And then I met a man through my work. You’d think I have trust issues, but it doesn’t bother me at all. It surprises me. We’ve been together for five years now and this relationship is not like my last My partner gives pure love and goes through fire for me, I didn’t know that at all.
I don’t hold a grudge. No, what’s the point? I am the woman I am now because of this experience, I have always been able to keep my head above water. Within the family I am a little more distant, but I don’t mind. I sometimes miss the contact with my four sisters. It just happened that way. And that’s obviously good.”
“I had my whole life mapped out after that divorce and everything became different. I wanted to show the world that I didn’t need anyone, I wanted to follow my children’s wishes alone. Now I know that it is not necessary in that the whole thing is to be happy. I still like it, but I’m not as involved as I used to be. And I’ve learned that it’s much nicer to share my life with someone than to be single.”
“You know what’s the best thing? That I learned to always trust my intuition. I think in hindsight I knew before she did that there was something going on between them. My gut said it wasn’t sure, but it was hard to trust it. because everyone contradicted it. And now my intuition says it’s good. Everything will work itself out with my friend and I’m not afraid of it going wrong again. Even better, I can receive love again.”
Love is a fictitious name. Her real name is known to the editors.
Wanted: Love Lessons
For the Love Lesson section on RTL News Lifestyle, we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hand in your own bosom. Did you end up being the one with the fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love, or did a blended family turn out to be an illusion after all? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. It is allowed to report anonymously. Mail to: email@example.com.