“When we wanted to have children, we had sex on the agenda”

What’s going on in your bedroom? Each week Libelle talks to a reader about his or her sex life in our Bedroom Secrets. Mark (35): “When we wanted children, we had sex on the agenda”

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“When my wife and I have sex, I always wait to come until she’s orgasmed. We never agreed on that, but it just grew like that. Like so much just grew like that. We’ve been together so long. On at a certain point you know what works and you have a certain melody that you complete together. It might not necessarily be super adventurous, but it’s still enjoyable.


I think we have sex once a week. I want more often, but she doesn’t always want to. Usually I try something when the kids are just in bed, I give her a little kiss or something and then I can see by the way she reacts if it’s in that night. If she’s in doubt, I’ll keep trying. If she really says no, I’ll stop. It’s no use pressuring her. Although she sometimes makes progress herself after saying no. A woman’s ways are still unfathomable to me in that respect.

Lower libido

When we first got together, she always wanted to love. Sometimes I really had to make sense, for me it didn’t have to be that often. Now it’s the other way around: I want it more than she does. I think it also has to do with the pill, when she takes it she has a lower libido. We also had children and that, in combination with a heavy job, means that she is often tired in the evening. I understand too.

When she rejects me, I increasingly fail to take it. At first I could still be unsure about it, but now I know: she is just a different person, with different needs. If she doesn’t want to have sex, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like me or find me attractive anymore. It also helps that she sometimes takes the initiative herself.

Then she crawls into my lap and spontaneously starts kissing me. She also drags me into the shower sometimes when the kids are sitting in front of the TV at the weekend. I like that secretly and spontaneously. I really enjoy that.

When we wanted children, sometimes we literally had sex on the agenda. When it was time again, I was called to the bedroom. At some point it really started to feel like work for me, I actually didn’t like sex anymore. Glad it’s over.


Although our sex life is still not exactly super exciting, I have to be honest. We did it outside once on holiday, but then you’ve had it with the special places. We also tried anal once, but neither of us liked it, so it was a one-off.

Sometimes I worry if we can keep it fun for the next 60 years. I’m happy with it, but it’s not really adventurous. Maybe we should play a little more with toys or explore other exciting places for sex.

On the other hand, I’m not very adventurous. Even when I was still single, I never really did crazy things. I barely had that one night stands and if it ever happened, it was always with a woman I had known for some time. I just thrive on certainty. And I also easily know what is expected of me. We know what we need to do to make both of us feel good, why would we change so much?


We are good together. There is a lot of intimacy, touching, kissing in between. I used to be very efficient in that regard and every touch had to lead to sex. My wife taught me that ‘just’ touching for the sake of touching can also be a lot of fun. Now I’m much more relaxed about it. We touch each other a lot, and if there’s sex once a week, I’m actually just satisfied.”

Do you also want to share your bedroom secret with us? Then email to onlineredactie@libelle.nl. Anonymous is also allowed!

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