You can learn how to talk to a girl

Farmer seeks Woman has started again. Many farmers are still looking for help in finding a partner. The good news: dating can be learned.

For each season of farmer seeks wife hundreds of candidates apply, mostly men. 2018 was a record year with 635 entries, but at the end of last year the number of people trying to find a man or woman with the help of Yvon Jaspers was also high.
At that time there were 400 registrations.

By and large, their world is quite small; they live afterwards and are busy with their business

Ten of these sign-ups are currently being followed for the weekly Sunday night broadcast. Why is it so difficult for farmers to find a partner? “In general, their world is quite small,” says Marilou Lommers of the dating site FarmDate. “They live afterwards, are busy with their business and don’t meet many people there who are looking for someone like them. Furthermore, they are often quite ‘short for the car’, they are not people who speak easily.”

To be rejected

Tjerk van Dam from ‘s Hertogenbosch recognizes this like no one else. “I came from a small village myself, went to study dairy farming on a farm, and I still didn’t know how to get a nice partner. I tried something, but if you keep getting rejected, it’s very frustrating. I didn’t know what to say to a woman, how to open a conversation, and overall I became more and more insecure about it.”

Coach taught him to be himself on a date

The change came when Tjerk sought help from a coach. It taught him to be himself on a date and not try to be nice. He now has a partner and recently started helping others in their quest with his experiences.

Farmers ‘often don’t know what to say’

The biggest stumbling block? According to Van Dam, this is because farmers often do not know what to say. Lommers from FarmDate recognizes this: “And when they say something, it is often very short. Women who come from the country themselves may understand it, but for others who are not familiar with it, it is really too little. They want a more comprehensive story than ‘Hi, I’m Jan and just asking’.”

You must be active, talk about yourself and respond to others. The chance of success is small if you just wait

She also notes that the farmers who register on FarmDate are not always assertive. “They create a profile and think that emails from interested ladies will automatically flow in. But it doesn’t work that way. You must be active yourself, talk about yourself but also react to others. The chance of success is small if you only wait for what will come.”

It is often an eye opener when I say that dating can be learned. I sometimes compare it to inseminating a cow

Tjerk van Dam notes that the search for a partner is a sensitive topic. People are very vulnerable in that area.

“It is often an eye-opener when I say that dating can be learned. I sometimes compare it to inseminating a cow. The first time you fumble terribly, but after the tenth time you know how to do it and it goes smoothly. It’s the same with dating, you just have to do it.”

Address a woman as a good friend

The most important tip he gives his clients? “To a woman as you would to a good friend. You have a much more natural conversation than putting her on a pedestal and trying to be nice and impress. You’re not yourself and the conversation doesn’t flow smoothly.”

Afterwards, Tjerk discusses how the date went and gives feedback. “They often don’t get that, which means they don’t come any further and are rejected time and time again. But if you know what’s wrong, you can work on it. After a few times you notice that approaching a girl isn’t that scary at all.”

Dating over the internet

Internet dating is an option. There are separate dating sites for each group. www.farm-date.com focuses specifically on the countryside and outdoor life. General dating sites like Pepper, Lexa and Relationship Planet are also options. It can be done safely from home, but remember that just creating a profile does not automatically result in a loved one. Here, too, the following applies: Introduce yourself thoroughly and ask other questions (see the 10 tips below).

Read more under the picture.

Many single farmers find it difficult to find a partner.  But: approaching a girl (or boy) can be learned.  - Photo: Pixabay

Many single farmers find it difficult to find a partner. But: approaching a girl (or boy) can be learned. – Photo: Pixabay

Dating help

Do you need a helping hand? Trainer Tjerk van Dam (see article above) recently started as a so-called dating coach for farmers. He provides online guidance throughout the country. Conversations take place primarily via WhatsApp and Skype. More information can be found on Tjerk van Dam’s website: www.boervindtvriend.nl.

10 tips for a successful date

• Preferably meet in a cozy pub or café, without your group of friends.
• Are you going out? Then the group of friends is usually part of it. Cozy and safe, but it takes courage to step out of that circle and approach someone. Do you think it’s scary? Then go to the toilet or outside regularly. On the go, you can talk to someone without your friends’ jokes in the background.
• Have a chat? Realize that not everyone knows anything about your subject. So make sure you also have other conversation material than just cows and potatoes.
• Don’t hide your occupation because you’re afraid it will turn your date off. There is nothing to be ashamed of, just admit that you are a farmer.
• Don’t just talk about yourself, ask the other person questions too.
• Do not ask closed questions to which the other person can answer yes or no. Open questions make the conversation go better. Open-ended questions begin with “who, what, when, where, or how.” So don’t just ask, “Do you like soccer?” but also: ‘Who is your favorite player or player and why is it your favourite?’
• See the other as an equal. Men on dates tend to put a woman on a pedestal as a “goddess” and belittle themselves. Refrain.
• For the men: remember that women like to talk about feelings and emotions. Don’t dismiss it as nonsense. A deceased cat is just a dead cat to a farmer, but to her it may have been a beloved pet. Ask (open) questions about it and the conversation resumes.
• Make sure you look well-groomed. No long nose hairs, no tufts from the ears, no nails with mourning edges.
• Cleanliness is also important: you should smell fresh from soap and deodorant, not from silage and lubricating oil.

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