Almost a year ago, the song ‘If I wasn’t made for love’ was released; what is that number about?
“I had just fallen deeply in love with my ex-boyfriend. It was the first time I had ever fallen in love with a girl, and I wondered: How am I ever going to master this? And do it in a way that’s right?”
Did you doubt your own sexuality at the time?
“No, it was very clear to me that I was bisexual. I had been in love with men and now with a woman, and it all felt real. The fact that my song is about not being made for love also comes a little from the dramatic perspective of an eighteen-year-old, but that’s how I felt at the time. I had super free parents, but at school I’d learned that boy-girl was the norm. I was also just very insecure.”
What were you unsure about?
“I found sex with her very exciting. During sex education I only got information about male-female and even then only about condoms and penetration. I remember well that I once asked my sister how to give a blowjob and that she did it . that with a beer bottle. But who am I to ask how to have sex with another woman?”
So how did you do it?
“Just by doing it, haha. But with a lot of uncertainty. My partner already had experience so she could help me too, but my first time with her really didn’t make sense. I always had sex with her in a certain way men and masturbated in a way, and actually I didn’t know my own body very well at all.
See, penises all work a bit the same, you pull it back and forth a bit and then it just works. Okay sorry guys, I can’t tar you with the same brush either, but it really is a bit more straightforward. I learned a lot about my own body in this relationship.”
Were there more things different or new to you when you were in a relationship with a woman?
“Many things struck me that I had never worried about before when I was still in a heterosexual relationship. I was used to being able to act in love in public. When I once bumped into my partner on the bus, the grandmother literally started. gagging in front of us I didn’t understand, it felt like I was suddenly not okay anymore.
Even when we went out, men often asked ‘can I join’ when I kissed my partner. I’d love to do that again with those men talking to their girlfriends, because it’s really idiotic, right?”
Maybe we should do it as an experiment! So the reactions were mainly from people you didn’t know?
“When I first fell in love, I asked people like my mom and best friend if they thought it was ‘weird’ that I was in love with a girl. Then I was often told that they thought I actually was straight, but that I should do what makes me happy. Even when my relationship ended after 3.5 years, and then I got back into a relationship with a man, I was often told that I was ‘experimenting’, that I ‘just thought it was horny’ and that it was all a ‘whim’. Who has a whim for more than three years?”
Also, were there the kind of reactions from people you didn’t expect?
“Yes, people can be harsh, especially within the LGBTQ scene. Bisexuality is seen by some as ‘not really gay’. Many lesbians still think that you’re either not really out yet or will eventually just go back to men.”
How do you see it yourself?
“I don’t think love is that black and white, at least not for me. I just fall in love and it can be with men or women. I also think people should stop worrying so much about other people’s sexuality. There are so many more things we can worry about, think climate change, world leaders who are completely insane, capitalism, you name it.”
Do you see it as your job to talk about it as an artist?
“I’m really nobody yet; Dua Lipa or Billie Eilish can really make a difference. But when I’m on stage I’m always very open about my sexuality because I think it should just be normal and negotiable. It is nor that I’m going to scream ‘I’m Neomi and I’m bisexual’ every time, but I’m not going to hide it from anyone.”
In April 2023, néomi’s first album will be released.